2 Biases That May Be Hurting Your Relationship

2 BIASES THAT MAY BE HURTING YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Jon Beaty

Researchers Elizabeth Robinson and Gail Price found that couples in unhappy marriages tend to underestimate the number of positive interactions in their marriage by 50%. As Dr. John Gottman explains, every couple has a “Story of Us Switch.

When the switch is turned on, couples tend to look back on their early days fondly. When they talk about the tough times they’ve had, they glorify the struggles they’ve been through, drawing strength from the adversity they’ve survived together.

When the switch is turned off, however, couples tend to look back on their early days with resentment and blame. For some of these couples, the Story of Us Switch may seem stuck in the off position.

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The cost of unexpressed needs in finding love

THE COST OF UNEXPRESSED NEEDS IN FINDING LOVE

Kyle Benson

If you have an anxious attachment style, you may have experiences that make you feel like a burden in close relationships, so you hide your needs. Unfortunately, this positive intention backfires.  You end up feeling resentful for always giving and never getting. Then you get angry and start fights. Even over the little things.

One of the best ways to improve your relationships is to recognize and honor your relationship needs.

Now, this doesn’t mean calling your partner 20 times in an hour. This means understanding that if your partner is unwilling to meet your needs for intimacy, emotional availability, and security, then you’re going to be unhappy.

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Conflict is Growth Trying to Happen

CONFLICT IS GROWTH TRYING TO HAPPEN

Crystal Bradshaw

Conflict makes appearances in all relationships, successful, happy ones included. The key isn’t to avoid conflict, as many couples mistakenly try to do, it’s to navigate conflict successfully and repair as needed.

In order to do this, you only need one big shift in your current conflict strategy: Focus on the underlying emotion of the conflict.

Emotions are the result of:

what happens
AND
the story we tell ourselves about what happens.

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7 things lousy husbands have in common

7 THINGS LOUSY HUSBANDS HAVE IN COMMON

Suely Buriasco

Everyone has their faults, but these are simply intolerable.

Many women idealize the person they choose to share their lives with and, over time, end up feeling very frustrated. Having high expectations of people is not recommended, because every human being has his faults and difficulties — some worse than others.

A wife may not even be aware that her husband is treating her poorly. Because of this, I believe it is worth revealing what all lousy husbands have in common, if only to help those struggling realize that they do not deserve the treatment they are receiving. Here are some characteristics of terrible husbands:

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5 ways to start over after the abuse has ended

5 WAYS TO START OVER AFTER THE ABUSE HAS ENDED

Danica Trebel

Betrayed by the abuse of the one person you trusted with every aspect of your life, you wonder if the day will ever come when forgiveness will replace the pain. These concepts can help you forgive your husband as well as heal in the process.

Marriage is one of life’s most sacred relationships. It’s built on love, trust and the promise of “till death do you part.” But when you’re betrayed by the abuse of the one person you trusted with every aspect of your life, you wonder if the day will ever come when forgiveness will replace the pain and the devastation you’ve suffered at the hand of your husband.

Forgiveness is choosing to release yourself from the pain, bitterness and shame of the past in order to live a happier, healthier life now. It in no way excuses the wrong you endured or requires you to stay in an unsafe situation. It does, however, have the power to reshape your perspective, your life and your marriage, and it now places that very power in your own hands.

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What I wish abused women understood

WHAT I WISH ABUSED WOMEN UNDERSTOOD

Dan Bates

As a therapist, I’ve worked with dozens of abused women and children. Here is what I want abused women to understand.

I’m a therapist who has worked with women, children, even abusers, in domestic violence and abuse (DVA) situations. These are never easy families to work with. Often I walk away from sessions feeling hopeless, and scared for the victims’ safety — but not for the reason that you think.

I don’t feel that hopelessness because the situation truly has no solution. And I don’t feel this way because the abuser really has all the power.

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13 ways to correct your wife without hurting her feelings

13 WAYS TO CORRECT YOUR WIFE WITHOUT HURTING HER FEELINGS

Most men do hurt their wives in the name of correcting them. They speak harshly. They are so rash in their approach and can be very brutal.

Lots of women are living their lives in bitterness and anger due to the careless ways their husbands have been talking to them over time.
Here you will be able to know the right ways to talk to your wife without hurting her:

1. LOWER YOUR VOICE
Don’t shout at her. She is neither your housemaid nor is she a child. You can correct her if necessary, yes, but why shout?

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5 Things You Can do When Hobbies Threaten to Overtake Your Marriage

5 THINGS YOU CAN DO WHEN HOBBIES THREATEN TO OVERTAKE YOUR MARRIAGE

Aaron & April Jacob

Painting, fishing, bodybuilding, crocheting, gaming, shopping, skiing, and the list goes on. And on. And on.

Life offers us opportunities to learn and participate in so many wonderful activities and interests (alone or with others) that can fill our days with meaningful, happy, and interesting experiences.

However, it is all too easy to become passionate (or obsessed) with one hobby, all at the expense of other more important priorities in our lives.

So, what do you do when your spouse cares more about their hobby than they do about you?

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How to Repair the Little Things So They Don’t Become Big Things

HOW TO REPAIR THE LITTLE THINGS SO THEY DON’T BECOME BIG THINGS

John Grey

All couples argue. Happy couples argue well. They have strategies for dealing with their inevitable disagreements, and they process their feelings so they don’t bottle up.

We know from Dr. Gottman’s research that both partners in a relationship are emotionally available only 9% of the time. This leaves 91% of our relationship ripe for miscommunication.

The difference between happy couples and unhappy couples is not that happy couples don’t make mistakes. We all hurt our partner’s feelings. The difference is that happy couples repair, and they do so early and often.

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Chronic Stonewalling Imprisons a Relationship

CHRONIC STONEWALLING IMPRISONS A RELATIONSHIP

Kyle Benson

Stonewalling
Have you ever watched a child try to get attention from their mom or dad?
“Pay attention to me.”
“Look at me.”
“Mommy, daddy, watch me.”

But what happens if the child’s attachment figure is unavailable and unresponsive? The child will experience distress.

It doesn’t matter if you are 5 months old or 45 years. There are still two basic responses to an unavailable attachment figure.

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