Insights on Same-Sex Marriage from Julie Gottman

Insights On Same-sex Marriage From Julie Gottman

Your Guy’s Annoying Friends and How to Deal with Them

your boyfriend's annoying friends

YOUR GUY’S ANNOYING FRIENDS AND HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM

Danielle Anne

You can’t stand his friends, but they’re an important part of who your man is. How can you come to terms with this common relationship conundrum?

Dating someone can be complicated, especially when their friends are involved. You know the person you like, but knowing their friends is another story. You can become friends with your partner’s friends, but it does not mean that everything will always work out the way you want it to.

Some people have friends who have less than agreeable personalities. This is especially true when you just started seeing someone, and then found out that their friends were bad influences. If you encounter those, there’s not much you can do. I repeat, not much you can do, but I’m sure we can find something to ease your woes.

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Avoid Them Like The Plague: 16 Types of Guys Not to Date

types of guys

AVOID THEM LIKE THE PLAGUE: 16 TYPES OF GUYS NOT TO DATE

Tiffany Grace Reyes

He might seem like a catch at first, but try to imagine him without all that first date charm. Or you could read up on these types of guys to avoid.

Dating can provide you valuable experiences and insights into what kinds of guys are out there. It helps you find out just what you like and don’t like in potential mates and relationships. However, the search for that “someone” can be frustrating. It may come to the point where you’re willing to settle for anyone, overlooking certain qualities you actually don’t like just so you can finally say you’re in a relationship.

However, if you’re a smart enough woman, you’ll know that there are just a few things that you should not put up with. There really are certain types of men that you should stay away from. While you may or may not have dated their kind in the past, there’s still time to change your ways and wise up to their quirks.

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Connecting with Your Pain Could Save Your Life

person crying beside bed

CONNECTING WITH YOUR PAIN COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE

Jenny TeGrotenhuis

Charlie was in my office yesterday. He was all smiles. I commended him on the quick transformation he had made in his relationship with his wife, Melinda. Even though his job had been extremely stressful lately, and he was experiencing a flare-up of symptoms from a chronic illness, he was content and hopeful. Melinda and their two children, James and Alissa, were doing well and settling into the back-to-school routines of basketball practice and music lessons.

“It seems like a long time ago,” Charlie said, referring to his suicide attempt two years earlier. We had just spent a long time processing something he’d once been reluctant to talk about. It was his second close brush with taking his own life.

The numbness and depression that had been his familiar companions through adolescence and young adulthood, layered with the lack of parental nurture and constant emotional chaos from his parents’ fighting, had left him with few internal emotional resources. He was familiar with a hollow ache inside that could not seem to be filled. He’d had no modeling in his life about how to really notice his feelings or interpret what they meant, so he was not in touch with his true and legitimate needs for loving connection, validation, security, and support.

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Intimate Partner Violence and the #MeToo Movement

INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE AND THE #METOO MOVEMENT

Mary Beth George

Trigger warning: This article discusses sexual assault and violence.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Over the years, the term domestic violence has been broadened to the more accurate term, intimate partner violence, acknowledging that abuse can occur regardless of marital status, gender, or sexual orientation.

When you hear the term domestic or intimate partner violence, you probably imagine a woman with a black eye, fleeing in the middle of the night to escape her batterer. While that image is accurate, it does not capture the depth and breadth of what many women experience. It also does not bring into focus the batterer.

I should mention that while the majority of domestic violence victims are women, abuse of men happens far more often than you might expect. Data from the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey indicates that one in six men in the United States have experienced some form of contact sexual violence during their lifetime, and 11% of men have experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner.

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Sabotaging Your Happiness: 12 Ways You Can Ruin Your Life

find happiness

SABOTAGING YOUR HAPPINESS: 12 WAYS YOU CAN RUIN YOUR LIFE

Tiffany Grace Reyes

You can have everything you’ve ever wanted and more, yet still be dissatisfied and unhappy with your life. But what can you do to change that?

If you feel down in the dumps about yourself, it’s probably because you have habits, attitudes, and actions that are hindering you from being the best person that you can be. In fact, these things can even ruin you and your chances of happiness. Find out how you might be ruining your own life and the things you can do to stop this from happening.

You are ruining your own life…

#1 By being lazy. It’s natural to be lazy, but it can help tremendously if you keep yourself motivated and driven. Putting off things by procrastinating or not going after what you really want because of the effort it entails is the definition of laziness. This attitude holds you back from progress and growth, whether in your career or your personal life.

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A New Appreciation for Anxiety

A NEW APPRECIATION FOR ANXIETY

LaVerna Wilk

Anxiety is an interesting animal. There is nothing fun about it, no one enjoys a rapid heart rate, the hit of adrenaline, the racing thoughts – no one would choose panic attacks. Yet, there seems to be something perversely protective about anxiety at times.

I know that sounds crazy, even to me, but hear me out.

I made an observation one day as I was doing Neurotherapy with a client. We had her hooked up to a monitor and we were training her Theta/Beta ratio at the back of her head. Together we observed that as her brainwaves were learning to cope better with anxiety and reduce her symptoms, that her anxiety was actually increasing.  As we talked about this she stated that, inside her, it almost felt like we were “storming the castle” so to speak, and that there was an urge to hold on to the anxiety and resist the changes we were trying to achieve. As we began to explore that, she was eventually able to articulate that while she didn’t enjoy her anxiety and the limits it imposed on her life, in theory there were ways in which it was almost soothing and at times protective.  Her symptoms included anxiety about traffic and specifically about being in an accident. When she absolutely had to go somewhere with her husband she would have large reactions to imagined “near misses” at intersections, and was obsessed with watching the rear-view mirror so she would be able to warn him if they were about to get rear ended, etc. She had lived with these symptoms for so long that she had become quite accustomed to simply telling people, “No, I can’t go to the concert/movies/mall because my anxieties have been quite high lately”.  What we discovered after much digging, was that her anxieties kept her vigilant, not only for actual threats to her safety, but imagined ones as well.

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R is for Repair

R IS FOR REPAIR

Zach Brittle

Repair is easily my favorite concept in the entire Gottman encyclopedia. Typically, we think of repair in terms of what we have to do to a car or a washing machine or a botched haircut. As in, it’s broken, it needs repair. But in relational terms, repair is less about fixing what is broken and more about getting back on track.

What is a repair attempt?

Masters of relationships repair early and often. And they have lots of strategies for how to repair. Gottman describes a repair attempt as “any statement or action — silly or otherwise — that prevents negativity from escalating out of control.” The reason I love the concept so much is because of that word “any.” It leaves a ton of room for creativity. And because every relationship is different, finding the repair strategies that work for you can actually be a unique game that belongs to just the two of you.

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P is for Problems

Image result for picture of parking sign

P IS FOR PROBLEMS

Zach Brittle

John Gottman’s research revealed that about ⅔ of relationship problems are unsolvable. One of my favorite questions for couples is whether that statistic is discouraging or encouraging. Think about that for a second. Does the idea that 69% of your issues are not going away bum you out? Or does it give you hope?

Most couples I know are frustrated by the fact that most of their problems are unsolvable. It’s hard to have the same battles over and over again. My personal bias, however, is that I’m glad to know that we’re normal. My wife and I spent way too much time arguing over the fact that we were having the same fight that we ultimately forgot what we were fighting about in the first place.

Dr. Gottman has said that the number one thing that couples fight about is nothing. I can vouch for this. This past weekend, my wife and I got into an argument over fruit flies. It was really stupid. Later, when our older daughter (age 11) was explaining the argument to her sister (age 7), she said, “It’s never about the fruit flies.” Indeed. What’s it about then?

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8 Positive Ways to Deal with Rejection in Any Scenario

ways to deal with rejection

8 POSITIVE WAYS TO DEAL WITH REJECTION IN ANY SCENARIO

Team LovePanky

No one wants to face rejection, but we must learn to handle it. Whether it’s from your job, your partner, or someone else, here’s how to get by.

Rejection is a hard pill to swallow. You start off by working your butt off to achieve something, whether it’s a date with someone, a job, or a promotion. Then, for some reason, you get turned down. Sometimes the way you get turned down is downright harsh and ego-shattering, but there are also times when you’re given a little encouragement to try again, or work just a little bit harder.

How to handle being rejected

In the end, you still need to be able to move on from getting rejected. Yes, we know it’s easier said than done. But to help you through this tough time, we’ve got some tips for how you can deal with rejection.

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