HURT FEELINGS DO NOT MEAN YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG
I was recently visiting with a friend and she shared a story about a blowout fight she had with her husband. Being a therapist, I’ve grown used to this over the years.
The story went like this. Someone accidentally moved her chair as she was going to sit down at work, causing her to fall and hit her neck against a desk. As a result, her range of motion was limited and it was very painful for her to turn her head.
After her fall, she and her husband had been driving on the freeway and as he was trying to make a last-second lane change, he asked her to check out the passenger side window for cars. She said she felt disregarded because he knew she was in pain, and his request only made it worse.
6 THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN YOUR HEART IS BREAKING
It’s a dull, subdued sensation when your heart is breaking, like the muffled sound of a distant gunshot. It doesn’t physically pierce your skin or tear you to pieces, but the sensation is physically present – the paralyzing discomfort of realizing that something you took for granted is leaving for good.
Although it’s hard to accept at first, this is actually a good sign, having a broken heart. It means you have loved something, you have tried for something, and you have let life teach you.
Life will attempt to break you down sometimes; nothing and no one can completely protect you from this reality. Remaining alone and hiding from the world won’t either, for endless, stagnant solitude will also break you with unhealthy nostalgia and yearning.
24 SIGNS OF A HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON
Highly sensitive people often “feel too much” and “feel too deep”.
Are you a highly sensitive person? Do you know someone in your personal or professional life who may be highly sensitive? High sensitivity can be defined as acute physical, mental, and emotional responses to external (social, environmental) or internal (intra-personal) stimuli. A highly sensitive person may be an introvert, an extrovert, or a combination of both.
Although there are many positive attributes to being a sensitive person (such as greater ability to listen and affirm, greater empathy and intuitiveness, better understanding of others’ wants and needs, etc.), in this writing we will focus on aspects of high sensitivity which adversely affect one’s health, happiness and success, and often complicate relationships. Below are twenty-four signs of a highly sensitive person, with excerpts from my books: “Are You Highly Sensitive? How to Gain Immunity, Peace, and Self-Mastery(link is external)” and “How to Communicate Effectively with Highly Sensitive People(link is external)” These traits are organized into three major categories: Sensitivity About Oneself, Sensitivity About Others, and Sensitivity About One’s Environment.
THE DANGER OF MANIPULATIVE LOVE-BOMBING IN A RELATIONSHIP
Spot the warning signs of love bombing early and recover faster with these tips.
“Lisa,” a 30-year-old patient, came to see me regarding a tumultuous relationship: Two years prior, she had met the perfect man, “Jake.” This was a guy who called every day, sent flowers, planned romantic getaways, and was so thoughtful and understanding about everything. After just a few weeks, Lisa was head over heels in love and thought, “this must be my soul mate!”
Then one day, Lisa got a call from an out-of-town college girlfriend, who wanted to go out, have a few drinks, and catch up. She made plans to go, but rather than say, “Have a great time!” Jake became very angry. How dare she spend time with a friend without his permission? He started screaming, “You don’t deserve me,” and stormed out.
Lisa was in shock. How could this loving man, who had been attentive, caring, thoughtful, and considerate in so many ways, suddenly get so angry over something so trivial? Distraught, and desperate to put a positive spin on it, she decided his anger was further evidence of his tremendous love for her; it was protective, not controlling.
THE DEATH OF LOVE ISN’T NATURAL: THE 7 STEPS TO SEPARATION
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source, it dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds, it dies of weariness, of witherings, or tarnishings, but never a natural death.” – Anais Nin
Marriages rarely end overnight. They tend to unravel over time, in ways that are now fairly predictable thanks to research by Dr. John Gottman. In 1986 Dr. Gottman and his colleagues built a Love Lab to learn the secrets of lasting love and understand why love dies.
By studying couples for over 40 years, Dr. Gottman could predict with a 90% accuracy which marriage would fail, and which would succeed. These are the factors he found most often contribute to the dissolution of a marriage:
5 THINGS TO DO AND 5 THINGS NOT TO DO WHEN YOUR MARRIAGE IS SUFFERING
Here’s what therapists say you should do (and not do) when your marriage is suffering.
No one plans for their marriage to suffer. But sometimes couples experience rough patches or issues they think they’ll never overcome. Here are five things to do and five things to avoid when your marriage is suffering.
Five things to do when your marriage is suffering
6 TELLTALE SIGNS OF THE MOST TOXIC RELATIONSHIP OF ALL
When our intimacy button differs from our partner, we are bound to enter into the “perfect storm” that prevents both parties from getting what they want. It’s like starting a weight loss program that entails eating big macs and supersized french fries five times a day. Good luck with that…
In one of the most psychologically recognized toxic relationships, one partner craves intimacy while the other becomes uncomfortable when things get close.
I used to be an Anxious Attachment type. Or as society would label me – needy. As a result, I tended to attract Avoidants because my intense expression of emotional intimacy supplemented their own suppression of emotional intimacy.
POPE FRANCIS DECRIES VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN
Nigerian Catholic Reporter
Holy Father urges Peruvians to fight scourge of ‘femicide’
Praying before a beloved statue of Mary in the northern city of Trujillo, Pope Francis has acknowledged the deep faith of Peruvians but also the serious problem of violence against women.
The statue of Our Lady of the Gate, or the Virgen de la Puerta, had been taken to Trujillo from a shrine in the town of Otuzco, in the Andean foothills, accompanied by dancers and musicians who have a special devotion to her.
At the Marian celebration, the Pope said the packed main plaza of this colonial city had been “transformed into an open-air sanctuary in which we all want to let our Mother look upon us with her maternal and tender gaze.”
4 MORE EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE BEHAVIORS YOU PROBABLY THINK ARE NORMAL
You might think your relationship dynamic is ordinary, but these 4 emotionally abusive behaviors are anything but.
Emotional abuse is not illegal, but it can have severe, lasting effects on your love and life. And sometimes, the line between abuse and a bad romance can be thin, masquerading as intense lover’s quarrels, or typical trials and tribulations. But these four emotionally abusive behaviors have no place in relationships:
1. Needle point
Your beau may call himself particular, picky or observant, but beware of a partner who is constantly needling and criticizing you. He may try to defend his overly critical and hovering nature as helpful -he’s keeping you focused and steering you in a better direction, right? The problem is, he’s the only one who is bothered by just about everything you do.
WAR OR LOVE: FLAWS OF THE HUMAN BRAIN IN RELATIONSHIP CONFLICT
Stan Tatkin, PsyD proposes that the human brain is built for survival first and love second. This means we are wired for war more so than we are wired for love.
|Chris: I get pissed off because you’re never listening to me. You finish my sentences and tell me what I’m thinking.Avery: But when you talk, you go on and on for 10 minutes.
Chris: You don’t interrupt your brothers like you do me.
Avery: My brothers and I can have a conversation. You just talk on and on and on and I’m supposed to sit and listen attentively. Pshh.
|Chris: I am angry when I get interrupted. Could you please let me finish what I want to say?Avery: Getting interrupted is rude. And you tend to talk a lot, so I lose track of what you’re saying. Could you pause so I can catch up, and make sure I’m clear on what you’re saying?
Chris: You’re right. I do talk on and on. It’s something I learned from my mother. It makes sense that it’s difficult for you to listen. Is talking less like this better?
Avery: It is. Now, what problem were we discussing?