HURT FEELINGS DO NOT MEAN YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG
I was recently visiting with a friend and she shared a story about a blowout fight she had with her husband. Being a therapist, I’ve grown used to this over the years.
The story went like this. Someone accidentally moved her chair as she was going to sit down at work, causing her to fall and hit her neck against a desk. As a result, her range of motion was limited and it was very painful for her to turn her head.
After her fall, she and her husband had been driving on the freeway and as he was trying to make a last-second lane change, he asked her to check out the passenger side window for cars. She said she felt disregarded because he knew she was in pain, and his request only made it worse.
THE ANXIOUS-AVOIDANT RELATIONSHIP TRAP: AN INTERVIEW WITH AMIR LEVINE PART II
Interview Guest: Amir Levine, M.D., is a psychiatrist, neuroscientist, and co-author of a popular book, Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love, which has been translated into 14 languages. You can read Part I of the interview with Dr. Levine here.
It’s important to be in a secure relationship because insecure relationships are “a recipe for a lot of pain,” according to Dr. Levine.
This doesn’t mean that partners in insecure relationships don’t love each other. They often love each other a lot. The problem is that in an anxious-avoidant relationship, there tends to be a sense of “stable instability.”
ARE LOVE LAWS THROWING YOU IN RELATIONSHIP JAIL?
What determines whether you feel loved or rejected?
If your partner comes up to you and says “you’re needy,” do you laugh or cry?
Even though we speak the same language with our partner, each of us swims in a sea of private meanings. Growing up in different families with unique life experiences has given each of us separate dictionaries on love.
Our dictionary sets the standard that governs not only how we feel, but how we behave, what we do, and how we act in our lives.
The meaning we give the experiences in our relationship is the judge and jury of our love life. These are what I call Love Laws.
14 THINGS YOU SAY OR DO THAT EMASCULATE YOUR MAN!
Are you unintentionally saying a few things that may make your man feel emasculated? Here are 14 things you definitely need to avoid saying or doing!
As a woman and a lover, one of the things you take upon yourself is to change your man for the better.
You see his flaws and his imperfections.
And you want to change them for the better.
But really, that’s never a bad thing.
After all, many men are diamonds in the rough that need a bit of polishing to become better versions of themselves.
And especially when you’re in a relationship, isn’t it each partner’s selfless love that helps their partner become the best they can be?
ULTIMATUMS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND HOW TO USE THEM RIGHT
Do you hate your partner’s behavior? Find out how to use ultimatums in a relationship the right way and better the love instead of making it worse.
Differences in relationships can crop up all the time.
After all, we weren’t all created in pairs that perfectly mesh with each other.
But what do you do about it?
And how do you sort those annoying differences?
In most relationships, couples learn to understand each other’s likes and dislikes and work around them to keep each other happy.
HONORING YOURSELF IN DATING: THE DIFFICULT PATH TO AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS
I checked my phone for the 27th time in the past hour as my insecurity hijacked my attention. I had a massive project presentation due in two hours and I couldn’t stop looking at my phone wondering why my partner hadn’t texted me back.
My mind wandered to thoughts of “Is she flirting with her ex-boyfriend?” “Am I not funny enough for her?”
I was obsessed with trying to make a relationship work because deep down, I was terrified of not being enough for her to love.
“What about this theory: The fear of not being enough and the fear of being ‘too much’ are exactly the same fear. The fear of being you.” – Nayyirah Waheed
PATIENCE, KINDNESS AND CONSIDERATION
A 40-year-old man visited his old father who could no longer see very well. As both of them sat in front of his house chatting, a dove flew in and perched on the window.
The old man asked his son, “Is that a dove that perched on the window?”
The son replied, “Yes, dad.”
After a short while, he asked the son the same question a second time and got the same answer.
THE LION INSIDE A MAN DOES NOT EAT WOMEN
At one time a newly married young man was shouting at his 20-year-old wife. His father called him inside and said to him, “We only shout at people our threats can give fear but not the same to a woman especially the one you call your wife. The way you are shouting, you are giving away your power and she is the one you are giving it to. Your threats make her stronger.”
Most men believe that a woman is subdued when she is being threatened, but that’s a lie. Nothing is further from the truth!
Let us not be blind and still feel we have our eyes wide open. Why is it that the moment a man starts having sex, even with a 15-year-old little girl, his partner stops fearing him? If she was used to running away to hide when she saw him before then, that would stop. I will tell you something about women we have never believed.
TYPES OF TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS TO WATCH OUT FOR
Do you feel like you’re losing your identity or your peace of mind in a relationship? You may not realize this but you may be in a toxic relationship.
Toxic relationships are all around us.
Have you ever been in a relationship where you feel more stressed and tired rather than happy and glowing?
You may unknowingly be trapped in a relationship that’s leaving you drained and angry.
Toxic relationships come in many hues.
Sometimes, we date toxic people.
HOW TO HANDLE CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR IN A RELATIONSHIP
Do you feel like you’re being controlled or are too controlling? Find out how to handle controlling behavior in a relationship using these 16 ways.
One of the most common reasons for the downfall of a relationship is one partner’s need to control the other.
To many, controlling behavior isn’t something they try to indulge in, it’s just who they are.
We like to have some control of our lives, and at times, this obsession to control the circumstances in our lives end up turning us into control freaks.