REPAIRS DURING CONFLICT ARE A SUPERPOWER OF EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED COUPLE
When you think about it, every couple in every relationship is set up for failure. It is impossible to be emotionally available to your partner 100 percent of the time. In fact, you will miss most of your partner’s bids for emotional connection out of mindlessness.
But failure is not the problem. Even a mother who failed to be responsive and available 50 percent of the time can raise a child to be a healthy adult who has healthy relationships. According to psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, the difference between “good mothers and bad mothers is not the omission of errors but what they do with them.” How a child copes with everyday failures and fluctuations is directly related to the degree in which their parent creates an environment for a secure attachment bond and how that parent repairs their errors.
This is no different in our romantic relationships. The difference between happy couples and unhappy couples is not that happy couples don’t make mistakes. We all do. How couples handle conflict resolution is what separates the relationship Masters from the Disasters.
10 CANCER SYMPTOMS THAT MOST PEOPLE IGNORE
Are you ignoring these warnings your body is giving you?
Medicine has developed fantastically in recent years, finding new drugs that help with the control of various diseases that once haunted, and even killed.
But despite medical advancement, prevention is key to maintaining our health and fighting diseases early.
Good use of medicine is another important factor. Misuse of it can also cause harmful symptoms.
Cancer, a disease that scares many people, has a greater chance of cure when treated early. It stops being so scary when we periodically take preventive tests.
We must carefully watch every day, as different symptoms may indicate that something is not quite right, and there is need for medical help.
THE UNDISCLOSED SECRET
A handsome man went into a hotel and asked to see the boss. When the boss came, the story began.
Client: Is room 39 available?
Boss: Yes, sir.
Client: Can I reserve it?
Boss: Of course, you can.
Client: Thank you.
BROKEN AFTER SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT THE OTHER WOMAN, SHE THOUGHT OF THE PERFECT REVENGE
She asked, “Should I sleep with the man who decided to marry another after we had three children?”
We called her Nani. She was a beautiful Khasi woman. I met her in Shillong, Meghalaya, while working there in a high school. It was my first opportunity to see a matrilineal society. I was observing the relationship of couples from a different angle. Being a woman from a patriarchal society, it was not easy for me to understand their thoughts, emotions and behaviour. But I was trying.
I met Nani regularly in a local market, where she sold dry fish and vegetables. Her bright smile and hard working nature made me her admirer. We started talking and soon became friends.In spite of coming from different backgrounds, sharing our personal thoughts, plans,and sorrows was no more an odd thing between us. She was totally independent. Many times I experienced her kindness – when a poor boy needed his school fees or an unmarried mother needed a shelter with her baby. I was deeply touched and inspired by her. And one day,suddenly, she opened the painful pages of her life tome.
“WE WERE ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED BUT SHE CHEATED ON ME”
The story of a man who was cheated and broke off his engagement and is rebuilding his life
We never imagine that something terrible can happen to us until it actually does. Was I a fool to think everlasting love exists? Was honesty too much to ask for? Should she not have just told me and moved on with dignity?
Engaged to be married, I caught my fiancé cheating and decided to call the wedding off.
It’s not easy when you share the workplace with your ex and I feel like all eyes are on me and all minds trying to sort out the Gordian knot that my personal life has suddenly become. It’s been two months and I haven’t seen her in the office. It bothers me to think what story she may have spun to explain what happened between us, especially when I get cold stares from her friends.
WHEN MY WIFE CHEATED ON ME, I DECIDED TO SHOW MORE LOVE
He loved her honesty until he discovered the biggest lie. How did he bring her back to him?
(Names changed to protect identities)
I first met Mili when we were in the second year of college. She played Desdemona, the breathtaking beauty killed by her suspicious husband Othello. She gave perfect shape to the character on stage during our college fest. Little did I know that almost two decades later she would drive me to the pinnacles of suspicion.
Mili was pursuing a degree in literature at Jadavpur University, while I was doing engineering. It was not just her beauty that attracted me but her infectious personality. Everything about her seemed to be honest. The more we got to know each other through common friends, the more I realised she was someone who spoke straight from her heart and never tried to hide her feelings or emotions. I told myself, if a woman were this frank, she would always make the best and honest life partner. I was open to her thoughts and respected her views and honesty.
HAVE I FORGIVEN MY HUSBAND FOR HIS AFFAIR?
Theirs was a love marriage and everything seemed ideal until one day she discovered the truth
(Names changed to protect identities)
Having moved from Mumbai to South India for work, I was in a pensive mood most days, until, like a fairy tale, Harish walked into my life.
He was senior to me. Not handsome at first glance but a certain charisma made people steal a second glance. I was a shy and docile girl and didn’t take the first step forward, but knew he was attracted to me when he kept finding excuses to come and talk to me over coffee breaks and lunches. Gradually we started going out for movies and to malls over weekends.
My 24th birthday will forever be etched in my memory. Never had anyone made me feel so special. He threw a party inviting all our close friends, took out a diamond ring and knelt down and proposed marriage. I couldn’t be happier. We got married and started living with his parents in Chennai.
WHEN A MORNING PERSON MARRIES A NIGHT OWL
What can you do to avoid conflict if your sleep patterns do not align?
I have taken to adding on to whatever wish I inscribe on my gifts when I go to weddings, the phrase, ‘and wishing you sleep patterns that actually align!’
But by the time people unwrap those gifts and receive my well-intentioned but rather useless wish, it is usually too late. What do you do if you are Ms Night Owl and you have just married Mr Morning Lark, or the other way round?
Well, I guess you could try adjusting to the other’s routine and become Mr Morning and Ms Night Owl or Mr Morning and Ms Night Lark.
SEPARATE ROOMS FOR A MARRIED COUPLE TO SLEEP WELL?
In the Victorian era, husband and wife slept in separate rooms. Was it not the antithesis of marriage? Isn’t sleeping together the essence of marriage?
A sharp and insistent poke on my back woke me from my sweet slumber. Confused, I groped in the dark, rooting for the offending object. I wanted to turn around but couldn’t, as there was no room to manoeuvre my body from my usual sleeping-on-the-left side position. I rose, struggling to stop myself from falling off the edge of the bed and groped among the blankets again. The offspring had found his way into our room yet again, occupied his choicest spot in the middle of our bed and slowly poked his way into making space for himself. The husband had slid towards the other edge only to be hindered by the other offspring. Two is company but four is a crowd. A wave of weariness swooped on me, forcing me to fall back on my pillow, which was half outside the bed. This noble attempt of going back to sleep was hampered by the offspring who had by now turned and occupied the entire space on my side of the bed.
I stood up and dragged myself to the children’s room, closing the door behind me on the face of the dog who attempted to follow in the hope of a midnight snack. I fell on the welcoming bed, devoid of children, husband and dog. For the first time in many months, I slept peacefully for the rest of the night.
PSYCHOLOGY FINALLY REVEALS THE ANSWER TO FINDING YOUR SOULMATE
Luis R. Valadez
We all as social creatures have a deep and underlying desire to find that one perfect person to spend the rest of our days with. That one person when you meet, you feel an uncontrollable attraction to and an illogical sense of familiarity with. As if you’ve known that person for a lifetime, or perhaps lifetimes. Whatever you want to call it, films and TV series alike have romanticized the phenomenon known as the soulmate. But what do we really know about the perfect mate or the ideal partner? Psychology is finally shedding light on the mystery that encapsulates so many hearts and minds around the world in an effort to understand what truly makes two people compatible for a relationship.
The Issue With Compatibility
Dating sites like OkCupid.com or chemistry.com boast about their in-depth personality tests, and claim that someone with similar answers to the questions on their tests can result in finding the perfect mate.