Forgiving Your Partner

FORGIVING YOUR PARTNER

Rob Pascale and Lou Primavera

Forgiveness is essential for a healthy relationship and personal well-being

In every relationship there are very likely to be times when our partner will do things to us that we regard as offensive, insensitive to our feelings, or just plain dumb. When that happens, our response is predictable. It’s not uncommon to become insulted, hurt, angry, or have other similar reactions to this perceived harm. We use the term perceived here because we want to emphasize the personal nature of how we interpret situations. Not everyone will construe the same words or deeds as hurtful or upsetting; some are thicker skinned or won’t take some offenses personally or seriously. Nor will we always interpret words and deeds in the same way—it can depend on the context. For example, an off-hand comment from our partner, such as a joke at our expense, might be ignored or even taken as funny in some situations, but regarded as a major insult in others.

When we choose the latter interpretation (and we do have a choice), most of us will confront our partner to let them know that what they said or did is unacceptable. In healthy relationships, discussions will focus specifically on the issue at hand and not go off in other directions, and will then have a good chance of getting to a resolution. But even if the problem is dealt with and resolved, affronted partners might sometimes continue to hold the thing that upset them in their heads. The accompanying negative feelings can affect how we think about and treat our partner, and they can form the basis for holding a grudge, and that’s never good for a relationship.

Ethical codes and most religious doctrines tell us that we should be forgiving to those who harm us. This advice certainly has its socially redeeming qualities, but it’s also sound from a psychological perspective. When we hold a grudge and refuse to forgive, we leave ourselves open to the danger of ruminating about the event, and that’s especially likely to happen if the harm came from someone we regard as important to us, such as our spouse. As we rehash in our minds the episode that’s gotten us upset, we experience all the negative emotions, and perhaps some behavioral outbursts. Yet, the hurt remains because the event can’t be taken back.

Read more

Why Forgiving Your Partner is For YOU, Not Them

WHY FORGIVING YOUR PARTNER IS FOR YOU, NOT THEM

Darren Wilk

Let’s face it – relationships can be tough. Two different people coming together to share their lives’ ups and downs is bound to bring about conflict. We tend to expect so much from the ones we love and those expectations can lead to sometimes negative outcomes.

Certain things our partners do can be annoying, irritating and even hurtful to us. If it’s bad enough, it could even be the end of a relationship. But this article isn’t about the major things that can come up in a relationship. It’s about the everyday conflict we have with our partners.

When one person perceives themselves to be hurt, the typical reaction is to confront their partner and discuss what went wrong until it is resolved.

But some people hold on to those negative feelings, even after achieving what appears to be a resolution. And holding grudges, instead of forgiving and moving forward, can be very detrimental to the relationship and your own well-being.

Read more

The Real Cost of Divorce

THE REAL COST OF DIVORCE

Written by: seouser

Marriage can be difficult. Sometimes you may feel like you’re at your wits end and the relationship can’t be saved.

But are you aware of the real costs of getting divorce? It’s far beyond just money.

Check out the infographic we put together below about different stats related to divorce in Canada and the United States.

Read more

%d bloggers like this: