What You Don’t Understand About Your Emotionally Unavailable Partner

WHAT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE PARTNER

I was at a conference this weekend where it was once again reiterated to me how impactful our attachment in our early relationships is on our current relationships. When we talk about “attachment,” we usually mean how safe and connected we feel to our partner (or friend, or parent, etc.). What the research has shown over the years is that our attachment style is mostly dictated by the relationship we had with our parents when we were little, but it can change as we have new relationship experiences throughout our lives. There are a few main attachment styles that I want to unpack today, because I think they’re often misunderstood and this misunderstanding can cause major problems in relationships.

Secure Attachment

When you meet someone with a secure attachment style, they probably grew up with a steady flow of comfort, validation, empathy, and love from their parents and family. These are the people who aren’t too anxious, but aren’t scared of relationships either.

Read more

6 Ways to Be the Hero When Your Wife is Emotional

6 WAYS TO BE THE HERO WHEN YOUR WIFE IS EMOTIONAL

Brian Lindner

Jeff pulls his Toyota Avalon into the garage after a stressful day of sales meetings. Working as a sales manager is not his ideal job but it pays so well enough that his wife chose to stop working and care for the kids full time. Jeff grabs his cell phone and keys and walks to the front yard to check the mailbox. On his way inside he shuffles through the mail. Glancing up from looking at the mail in his hands he sees it and freezes.

His wife sits at the kitchen turned away from him slightly, but he can tell she’s been crying.

He tries not to panic. He wants to run but he can’t just leave her like that, she’s obviously hurt. With a burst of courage he approaches.

What do you do when your wife cries? Do you try to rescue her from her emotions? Tell her how to change her attitude? Fix what is bothering her? Panic and do nothing? Tell her a joke and change the subject? Try to cheer her up? Compare her circumstances to something worse? Do you ignore her to give her space?

Read more

To the Guy Asking for Marriage Advice

TO THE GUY ASKING FOR MARRIAGE ADVICE

Aaron & April Jacob

So, you are getting married in a few months and you want marriage advice, eh?

You are already in a really good place if you are going into marriage with that kind of maturity and desire to know what to do to make it work – and not just work, but actually have your marriage be wonderful and meaningful. Way to go.

Marriage is a beautiful journey. Remember that. It’ s a journey, not some perfect destination you arrive at overnight. It’s the grandest of adventures, the most beautiful experience, and your perfect opportunity to become a better person with the one that you love by your side.

Read more

Chronic Stonewalling Imprisons a Relationship

CHRONIC STONEWALLING IMPRISONS A RELATIONSHIP

Kyle Benson

Stonewalling
Have you ever watched a child try to get attention from their mom or dad?
“Pay attention to me.”
“Look at me.”
“Mommy, daddy, watch me.”

But what happens if the child’s attachment figure is unavailable and unresponsive? The child will experience distress.

It doesn’t matter if you are 5 months old or 45 years. There are still two basic responses to an unavailable attachment figure.

Read more

7 Enhancing Lovemaking Conversations for Couples

7 ENHANCING LOVEMAKING CONVERSATIONS FOR COUPLES

Kyle Benson

Lovemaking in a monogamous relationship is said to be heart-pounding, breath-taking, and anxiety-freeing. If that’s true, then how come a committed relationship is when many of us settle for the same sexual positions?

Far too often, spouses become “too important” for experimenting in the bedroom. This takes the mysterious element of sex between two people and puts our wild erotic nature into a jar that will never be opened again.

Sometimes partners stop putting in the effort to seduce their partner. They assume the ring on the finger means they don’t have to try; that a wedding band means you’ll be turned on by me, no matter what I do or how I look. You’ll love me till death do us part.

Read more

%d bloggers like this: