We highly recommend you watch these two clips before reading through this amazing interview.
Years Married: 17 in January
Q. How do you help a spouse or child learn to express their emotions instead of suppressing or numbing them?
A: We use the feeling wheel. Basically, it has core emotions listed in a circle, and from those core emotions, other emotions are listed fanning out from the core. So, most of us say, “How are you doing?” And respond, “I’m doing good,” Or “I’m mad.” Then, if you go to mad there are derivatives of that emotion listed, things like “hate, anger, rage, critical, skeptical, irrational, furious, frustrated, selfish, jealous.” Feeling wheels are great, even for kids, in order to learn to express how you are feeling. So often Coby will have a mentoring call and he will ask, “What are you feeling?” And the person will say, “Oh, it’s been a good day, I’m pretty good.” Then Coby will say, “Get your feeling wheel and tell me what you are feeling,” and surprisingly the person is feeling nine other things, too.